RUMA / RESIDENT INSPECTOR / UNPAID

I have inspected the premises.

The human calls this a home. I call it an obstacle course between me and the birds.

Close-up of Ruma, a white male cat, with his tongue just visible and a severe expression — He has seen enough.

01 / AN OFFICIAL STATEMENT

My human has made another website.

Apparently he can build software, portfolios, and several unnecessary adverts. Yet the desk remains a geological formation of cables, and no one has opened the door to let me investigate the birds.

I am Ruma. I live here. I did not approve the housekeeping.

02 / INSPECTION REPORT

Three matters requiring immediate attention.

FINDING 001 / INTERIOR

The mess.

He says the clutter is temporary. I have observed several generations of temporary clutter.

VERDICT: CLEAN IT.

FINDING 002 / EXTERIOR

The birds.

I can see them. I can hear them. I cannot interview them. This is a failure of management.

VERDICT: LET US CHECK.

FINDING 003 / SOCIAL LIFE

The female cats.

Where are they? I have asked politely, by my standards. The human continues typing.

VERDICT: EXPLAIN YOURSELF.

Ruma with his paws on a keyboard in front of a computer monitor — Evidence 02: I took the keyboard. Productivity improved.

03 / DIRECT SUPERVISION

His priorities were unclear. I occupied the keyboard.

He had been staring at a screen while the world outside continued to contain birds. I intervened. He called it an interruption. I call it leadership.

The blue lights on the keyboard are decorative. The birds are real.

04 / APPEALS DEPARTMENT

Ask for Ruma's verdict.

Select one of the human's explanations. My decision is local, immediate, and final. Nothing is sent anywhere.

The human claims

RUMA'S DECISION / PENDING

Choose an excuse. I expect very little.

No appeal has ever succeeded.

05 / APPROVAL UNDER REVIEW

I once raised a paw. This was not blanket approval.

That earlier photograph made me the official approver of AmoosedWeb. The title has been abused. From this sofa, I reserve the right to inspect every claim and withhold every compliment.

The alternative Amoosed edition has my field notes tucked into this photo. The ordinary site works without it.

Open the other edition ↗

Ruma, a white male cat with golden eyes, resting on a black sofa with his tongue just visible — New portrait. Same conditional approval.

INSPECTION CLOSED / FOR NOW

Clean the floor. Open the door. Show me the birds, or I will flip you one.

And if there are female cats, I would like a briefing.

See what my human actually builds ↗